As long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to change the world and have a really huge impact. When I was little, it was as a writer or a singer, and as I became older, I was increasingly drawn to teaching, educating, mentoring. And the Erotic Empowerment rebranding really evolves from and starts there.
I also grew up Catholic, and though I couldn’t see it at the time, I was installing some limiting and even damaging beliefs inside my head about sexuality. While I am still working on myself and continually expanding and deepening my relationship with myself and with my sexuality, it has taken me years to get to where I am now:
- A place where I use masturbation and self-pleasure as a tool to heal, to integrate different aspects of myself, and to manifest things that I want in the world.
- A place where I believe that sexuality is sacred AND I can share it with whomever I feel is worthy, not just my spouse or even one partner at a time. At the end of 2019, I had two sexual partners for a few months, which was new for me.
- A place where I see partnered sex as this opportunity to merge consciousnesses, to heal, to love, and to hold space for others.
- A place where I am exploring more aspects of myself that might seem taboo: being a kinkster, especially being a female Switch/Dominant; being polyamorous, and loving multiple people at once; being queer, and having intimate relationships with people of various gender identities.
- A place where I have a thriving spiritual practice (which INCLUDES masturbation!) without attending church on a weekly basis and without feeling shame for masturbating or not attending church.
- A place where I’ve even had a group sex scene and ritual (happy birthday to meeeeee!) at a local play party.
- A place where I’m now planning to get a graduate certificate and later a Masters degree in Human Sexuality so that I can become a licensed sex therapist.
Ultimately, I have a passion for sexuality, and I also have a deep passion for healing myself and others. For many years, I envisioned having two different businesses… one that tackled each aspect. I felt uncomfortable being out publicly about certain aspects of myself and having a second business under an alter ego seemed safer.
Then, in September 2019, I recently realized I was being called to integrate these two passions into one business. In this integrated business, I could support others with their own sexual healing in a deep, powerful way. Further, by integrating all of who I am into one business, I’m healing and accepting myself on a deeper level, and I’m able to hold more space for others as a result.
So, goodbye Mintaka Healing. Hello, Erotic Empowerment.
Why Rebrand to Erotic Empowerment?
As a healer, I always seek to empower my clients. After all, they’re the ones going through the transformation during coaching. I always want my clients to feel in control of their lives and destinies and to create the reality for themselves that feels most authentic. That means that I am supporting, guiding, and holding space for them. My goal is to liberate them from limiting sexual beliefs that cause them to suffer from shame, guilt, or anxiety.
Some of these beliefs include…
- I have to do what my partner wants in bed, even if I don’t want to.
- Sex is bad or immoral.
- Sex can’t be pleasurable.
- If sex isn’t pleasurable, I’m doing something wrong; I’m not good enough.
- Because I’m not good enough, I can’t attract the kind of people that I actually want to date.
- I’m bad because I have sexual thoughts.
- I’m a bad person because I want to have sex all the time.
- Masturbation is sinful; if I do it, then I’m a sinner.
- I have to go to confession after masturbating in order not to go to hell.
- I can only get off if I’m watching or looking at pornography.
- I can’t have sex before marriage, or I’ll go to hell.
- I have to have sex on the third date, even if I don’t want to.
- If I don’t have sex often enough, I’m a wimp or a prude.
- If have sex too much, I’m a slut/whore/player.
- Being called a slut/whore/player or a wimp/prude is a bad thing, and it means that I’m not good enough.
Many of these beliefs are contradictory, and none of them is true. Through coaching, I work with my clients on shifting these beliefs so that they can find what’s actually true for them about sex, intimacy, and relationships.
The Kelly Noel Zeva Transformation Story
So, how did my personal transformation begin? How have I worked on my own beliefs? Good question.
Like I said, I grew up Catholic, so it started there. My mom was cradle Catholic who came from a Polish/Sicilian household in south central Wisconsin, and she and my dad were married in the Catholic Church. Growing up, our family went to church every Sunday, and sometimes we even went with my mom’s parents who lived just a few minutes away from our parish.
My mom was active and well-loved in our parish community, so I saw that modeled growing up. She was a lector and Eucharistic Minister; she organized Vacation Bible School (VBS) at least two summers; she volunteered as a teacher for Religious Education; and for many years, she single-handedly organized and managed the annual Pancake Breakfast. Not to mention, she also regularly donated food to hospitality and made meals for some of the parish staff, including our super awesome, inspiring, and progressive priest.
In that environment, I grew to love going to mass. I became an altar server once I was in fifth grade; I volunteered as an assistant for VBS; I participated in the children’s choir and, later, the adult choir. My sister and I also volunteered as servers for the Pancake Breakfast, contributed things to the silent auction, attended Religious Education each year… and on top of that, I became a lector and Eucharistic minister myself. My senior year, I even taught fifth grade Religious Education.
But on top of that, I chose to go to the National Catholic Youth Conference (NCYC) twice, even missing a music festival into which I had been accepted my sophomore year. I started wearing a purity ring, and I had a couple shirts from Abort73, a pro-life organization some of my friends supported. Some of my friends were also conservative Christians, and there were many times that I felt “not religious enough.”
By the time I was in high school, I was immersed in Catholic and conservative Christian teachings. Though our priest was progressive and my family was loving and supportive, I still had these yellow goggles taped to my face from all the covert messages I was receiving. But the worst thing? I didn’t even know that everything I believed was something I created and over which I had influence.
Just to highlight how powerful these yellow goggles were…
- I didn’t know, let alone believe, that it was okay to have sex outside of marriage until after I graduated from high school.
- I didn’t know what masturbation really was until college, and because the Church said it was a mortal sin, I dutifully went to confession each time I did it my freshman year. That way, I could go to Church the following Sunday and partake of Eucharist. I felt crippling shame every time I went to confession and wondered why I couldn’t keep my desires in check.
- I didn’t really date in high school or college, and I didn’t kiss a guy until I was 19. I was a virgin+ until I was almost 23, and I felt both shame and pride about that.
- I didn’t think I was okay if men weren’t attracted to me or willing to be in a relationship with me. As a result, I paid for online dating services on and off through college, including CatholicMatch.com, eHarmony, and Match.com. Even after college, I still had many of these attitudes and have sicne used free services like OkCupid, Bumble, and Coffee Meets Bagel. While online dating can be great (I’ve met many wonderful friends and partners off OkCupid, specifically), there were many times where I became addicted to matching with and messaging people simply because it meant more attention.
So, starting in college, I had some belief unraveling to do. First, I needed to realize that the Catholic Church was not the sole source of truth and that it was okay for me to question, really question, what the Church taught. Second, I needed to realize that masturbation and sex before marriage were both okay. Third, I needed to realize that it was okay for me to explore things like kink in my relationships. Fourth, I needed to realize it was okay for me to have multiple partners and practice polyamory if I wanted.
And so on. I just kept exploring and pushing myself outside my comfort zone.
Early on, I didn’t realize what I was doing, and I didn’t have a conscious process for it. My sole goal was learning, “What is truth?” and pursuing it relentlessly. With that as my aim, I read, reflected, journaled, did things that terrified me. And over time, I found healing.
It wasn’t until I started doing energy healing (Reiki, later Tantra) that more started to shift for me. And then, doing intentional work around shame, vulnerability, and courage through my business coaching program and through Waking Up Weekend (WUW) and, most recently, the WUW Graduate Intensive Training (GIT).
Now, I’m publicly out as a queer, kinky, and poly person, and I have a lot of resources I use with my own beliefs, as well as in my coaching practice. I have “Orgasmic Manifestation” blocked on my calendar every Monday morning, and I use the energy resulting from those orgasms as a prayer to support and heal myself or the ones that I love.
I attract partners who are working on themselves, and I’ve created a wonderful dating life for myself without dating apps; I met both of the partners I had in late 2019 in other ways. I’m also able to step away from OkCupid, trusting that I will meet any other potential partners simply by living my life to its fullest.
And I want to share what I’ve learned with others and hold space for them so that they can work through their own limiting beliefs.
What’s YOUR Transformation Story?
It’s overwhelming, arduous, and time-intensive to tread this path alone. Whether you’ve already released a lot of your limiting beliefs around sexuality and just want some support and strategies to carry you the last bit, or you recently left your church and have no clue where to look with spirituality and sexuality, OR you’re a practicing Catholic and want to keep practicing while still having a healthy relationship with sexuality and intimacy, I’m happy to support you. You’ll find peace, joy, acceptance, and fulfillment SOOOOOO much faster because you’ll be able to shift your beliefs, have tools to heal and connect, and then move forward with your life.
Wherever you are on your journey, I’d love to support you regardless of your sexual orientation and gender identity. I hope that my free resources bring you some clarity and feelings of camaraderie, and I’ll continue adding to that library over the next several months. If you’re a conscious entrepreneur, visionary, creative, or healer, you’re also welcome to join our free Facebook community, The Sexy, Spiritual Badasses where I host free weekly masterclasses.
If you’re looking for deeper support, you can apply to join our Sex Alchemy Group Coaching program here. If you qualify, you’ll be invited into a 60-minute call with me where we’ll explore what’s currently working in your life, what you’d like to create over the next year, and how coaching would be a good fit for that.
Because our program is high-touch and intimate (we often have a waiting list), we’re only speaking with people who are committed to working on themselves and have the time and financial resources to move forward right now. If you’re just starting out, joining our email list and accessing our free resource library (COMING JUNE 2020) might be a better fit for you.
To your empowerment,
Kelly Noel Zeva
P.S. If you liked this article, you might like How to Have Sacred Sex: 5 Ways to Make Sex Healing, Not Shameful. ????